You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
