Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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