Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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