1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
