Already got asked if we're dating
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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