Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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