the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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