Don't make out with my wife yet
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
