I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
