He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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