I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
