I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
