If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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