this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
What a dumb baby whore.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
