Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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