I wannas sexs uuuuu
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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