Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Randomize