I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
