In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
