I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
