life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
