can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I would fuck him just for his dog
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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