lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
