The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
