theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
