david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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