Do you still have your period?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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