honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
