the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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