Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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