I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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