Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
