Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
