proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
