Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i love accidental penises.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize