PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
