Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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