is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
They took my balls.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I wear drunk well.
Randomize