I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
COCAINE IS GR8
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
