I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize