i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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