Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Also, beer. Big fan.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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