she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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