My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
