just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
