Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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