worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
