During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
should my penis look like a turkey
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
