First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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