So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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