Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
