I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
