Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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