We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
