my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
