If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
