kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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