I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
