But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
