ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
only you would photoshop your dick
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
