I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
