Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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