God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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