what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
