Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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