Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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