If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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