you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
