Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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