I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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