Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
