What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
