so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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