i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
