I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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