Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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