We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Vodka?
Forever.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
When did angry sex become our thing?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
