i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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