not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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