I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
