Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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