So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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