Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
