Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
