If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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