That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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