Don't make out with my wife yet
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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