she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
My day in three words: secret purse cake
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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