I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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