Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
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