Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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