Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
