OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
